he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
