I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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