remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
