All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They have beer where we have blood.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
