At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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