just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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