i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
