I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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