She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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