I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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