My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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