So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
