her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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