I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
