I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
