life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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