SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
