I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
