I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
