Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
