Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
