The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
