My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize