just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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