The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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