On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
