The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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