I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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