Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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