I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
