I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
