oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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