I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
