im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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