Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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