she was so not down for the gang bang
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
