Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
