i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
