I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
