Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
