If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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