you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
