just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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