they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
