I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
