bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
