So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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