I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
