nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
