Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
