Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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