I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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