remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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