I'm sorry my penis didn't work
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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