So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
