If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
