New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
