so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
