my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you win again, gameday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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