i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize