Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
