How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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