Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
