yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
