That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
