if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
