just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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