That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
