What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
