I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
