He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
