Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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