Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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