everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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