Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
