Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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