this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
