If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
