Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
