Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
