Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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