Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bet he comes in French.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
