It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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