I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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