I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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