Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
