yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
