You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
