Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
