Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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