sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
