as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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