Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
