I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize