I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
