im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
