wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
