Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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