People in love make me want to vomit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
