in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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