I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
