Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize