Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
