dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
