You're so nebulous sometimes
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
