i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
More tranny stories later!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
