he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
