i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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