I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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